I once sat with a couple who spent a solid ten minutes arguing about eggs.
Not the price of eggs. Not whether eggs were good for you. Just… eggs. Specifically, the fact that he had come home from a full grocery run — a complete, thoughtful, I-got-everything-on-the-list grocery run — with the wrong kind.
Regular eggs instead of organic.
She was furious. He was defensive. And I’m sitting there watching two grown adults who clearly love each other go to war over something you can buy at Kroger for under ten dollars.
From the outside, it looked ridiculous.
But, here’s the thing. When we finally slowed down and got underneath it, the eggs had absolutely nothing to do with it.
He was exhausted and hurt. He’d gone out of his way to help, and instead of a thank you, he got a critique. Again. He felt like no matter what he did, it was never quite right. Never quite enough.
She wasn’t actually mad about the eggs either. To her, it was one more moment of feeling like he didn’t pay attention to the details of their life together. The small things that said I see you. I know you. I’m paying attention. The eggs were just the latest piece of evidence in a case she’d been building for a while.
Two people. One carton of eggs. Completely different wounds.
I think about this couple a lot, honestly. Because it’s not really a couples thing — it’s a human thing. We do this all the time. We fight about the thing that’s right in front of us because it’s so much easier than saying the thing that’s actually true.
It’s easier to say you got the wrong eggs than to say I feel invisible sometimes and I don’t know how to tell you that.
It’s easier to say I can’t do anything right than to say I’m trying so hard and I’m terrified it’s still not enough.
So we argue about groceries. And dishes. And who said what in what tone and why they always do that thing. And we go to bed annoyed, or distant, or just… tired. Without ever getting close to what was actually wrong.
I don’t know about you, but I have been both people in that story. On different days, in different kitchens, about different things that were never really about the thing.
The eggs were just the messenger.
The Shift Starts Here
If your relationship has been through a difficult season, whether that involved separation, conversations about divorce, or simply the quiet realization that something needs to change, know this: deciding to stay together is not the finish line. It’s the starting point.
Through couples coaching, I help clients navigate the expectations, communication patterns, and emotional habits that often determine whether a relationship simply survives or genuinely grows stronger. Together, we’ll explore what rebuilding looks like in your unique situation, develop practical tools for healthier communication, and create a relationship that isn’t built on fear of losing one another, but on intentionally choosing one another every day.
Because marriages aren’t transformed by one difficult conversation.
They’re transformed by thousands of ordinary moments that follow.
If you’re ready to create a healthier, more connected relationship, I’d love to support you.